New flash fiction in Uproot!

I have a short short story—”Lonely Weather”—in Issue 5 of Uproot, a journal focused on “place, migration, and dislocation.”

Mia walks west. She walks without stopping for rest, for sleep, for food, for water, because she is a ghost and feels no physical pain. The word echoes in her mind: ghost, ghost, ghost.

She hopes that the miles will wear her down to air, that time will erase her memory.

Keep reading at Uproot! (Content warning, though, for suicide.)

This story comes from my collection, She’s Tired of Going Nowhere. It’s part of a mini-cycle within the collection about a group of women who’ve died because of patriarchal/capitalist violence and what they make of the afterlife. This particular one is not super uplifting, but it’s not meant to be, because not all victims of violence—whether straight up physical violence or the kind of environmental violence I tackle in “Lonely Weather”—get happy endings.

#FridayReads: Shirtless Bear-Fighter

I was over at a friend’s house to watch hockey, and on my way out after the game I saw a copy of a comic called Shirtless Bear-Fighter. The cover depicts a shirtless man in raggedy pants with exaggerated masculine features (seriously, his feet are huge). I paged through it and saw that this was, yes indeed, a comic about a man who fights bears while decidedly not wearing any clothes (his junk is pixelated so it remains PG-13, sort of). Curious reader that I am, I checked out Shirtless Bear-Fighter from the library via Hoopla and read it in under an hour.

Cover for the first issue of Shirtless Bear Fighter

I have several takeaways:

  1. WHAT IS THIS COMIC I DON’T EVEN KNOW
  2. BUT IT’S REALLY FUCKING FUNNY
  3. “Bear” is not limited to the large omnivorous mammal
  4. There are a lot of toilet paper and poop jokes (WHICH ARE HILARIOUS)
  5. The whole thing can be read as a fable about environmentalism and toxic masculinity
  6. ALSO IT’S REALLY FUCKING FUNNY
  7. Magic bacon.

First, if you find crude humor beneath you, don’t bother with this book. Second, if you can’t tell the difference between straight tropes and the skewering of said tropes, also probably don’t bother with this book. Still with me? GREAT.

Shirtless Bear-Fighter tells the story of a man named Shirtless, who was raised by bears in a lush mountain forest. The bears betrayed him when they killed his lover, and after that he vowed to fight every bear. Now, enraged bears are attacking major cities across the US, and the FBI calls in Shirtless to handle the problem. In the process he discovers that past events weren’t what they seemed and uncovers a plot by a greedy toilet-paper-company logger to turn the whole forest into TP. On the way Shirtless has to deal with multiple betrayals, bears high on magic bacon, and the fact that he probably definitely has a thing for Silva, the female FBI agent.

The creative team (Jody Leheup, Sebastian GirnerNil Vendrell, and Mike Spicer) do not take anything seriously. Shirtless is a hyperbole of our culture’s idea of what men should be, and that’s exactly what gets him into trouble. The issue of Shirtless’s dead lover reveals the cavalier way men treat women and highlights exactly why that is terrible and we should maybe stop doing that right now. Silva is not hyper sexualized and proves herself to be smart and resourceful–without her, Shirtless would fail his mission to save the forest.

So, here’s a comic that takes the most exaggerated masculine tropes and handles them in a subtle, brilliant, hilarious way. I’m definitely on board for a second volume (though it seems the creators are working on other projects right now, but a girl can hope).

Miss Migraine: Emergency room averse

Banner that says "The Adventures of Miss Migraine"

The Adventures of Miss Migraine is an ongoing column about my life with chronic migraine (and other crap).

Saturday I had to go to the emergency room. I’m fine now, but I experienced a sudden and extreme pain in my lower right abdomen that was anything but normal. In this situation you’d think my biggest concern would be OH GODDESS AM I GOING TO DIE THIS FUCKING HURTS, but no. My biggest fear was that they’d tell me there was nothing wrong and I was “exaggerating” my pain or something like that.

I knew something was wrong. The pain started out like a bad menstrual cramp but quickly escalated to “I cannot stand up straight my insides are on fire what is happening.” The pain was definitely in my right ovary, and I thought perhaps a cyst had burst (nope–endometriosis, but I was right about the ovary part). Probably something you should go see a doctor about, right?

But so many times I’ve seen a doctor, or gone to the ER with a severe migraine that’s lasted five days, and they’ve said “Oh, it’s just stress, here are some muscle relaxers/Vicodin.” (Muscle relaxers and narcotics, by the way, don’t help migraines. At all.).

Or I’ve gone and said, “Hey, you can look this up on your fancy computer because we live in the future and all my medical records are digital, but my migraine specialist said I should go to the ER if X happens, and X has happened, and she’d like me to get an MRI,” only to be told “Whatever, it’s just stress, but we’ll do a CT scan just to be sure!” Real helpful, doc.

Once, before I was diagnosed with chronic migraine, an ER doctor pressed so hard into the back of my neck I started crying. I went in because I’d had a headache for a month straight, and none of my regular doctors had any ideas. Urgent care wasn’t a thing yet. He was trying to “prove” I had a tension headache and just needed to “relax.” Nevermind that neck pain and soreness is often a symptom of migraine, AND ALSO he pressed so hard it would have hurt even if I didn’t have a migraine!

ER doctors, especially male ER doctors, have a history of dismissing my pain and not listening to what I say about my own body. So, you can understand why I was hesitant to go to the ER despite the awful stabby pain in my right ovary.

Thankfully, and to the credit of the staff at UPMC Shadyside, the doctors who treated me listened, were kind, and even *gasp* got me a diagnosis. So, bad news–I have endometriosis. But good news–my ER experience didn’t lead me to murder anyone! The next step is to follow up with my lady parts doctor. In the meantime, I’m still in some pain, but no where near the level I was on Saturday.

Onward, I guess?