The Adventures of Miss Migraine is an ongoing column about my life with chronic migraine. A version of this post appeared first on August 2, 2012, on my blog of the same name.
If you have migraines, they call you a “migraineur.” It rhymes with “entrepreneur,” but it’s not in the dictionary. I think it’s an ugly word, that it implies you create migraines or that you organize or manage migraines, usually with considerable risk. Migraines might come with considerable risks: pain, nausea, dizziness, weakness, blurred vision, more pain, depression, anger at circumstances, irritation at loved ones for incessant (but well meaning) “how are yous,” still more pain, inability to function on an adult level, etc., but so far the ability to organize or manage them has escaped me.
I know that’s not how the roots of the words really work. The roots of “entrepreneur” mean “someone with enterprise,” and the roots of “migraineur” just mean “someone with migraine.” I guess that’s me, but I don’t want to be called that. I don’t want to be that.
And, I already have a name.
They always tell you to avoid your “triggers.” What “triggers” your migraines? they ask. I hate that word, too. It implies a beginning to the pain. A beginning implies an end. But for me there is neither, just an endless line, or a circle, or a constant in an equation that always works out to the same number.
So I tell them everything. Everything triggers my migraines. When they look at me skeptically, I run through the list: weather, too much caffeine, not enough caffeine, chocolate, cheese, nuts, not eating enough, stress, not enough sleep, too much sleep, loud noises, bright lights, strong smells. Then they usually ask me if I need glasses.
Treatments: There are endless migraine treatments. Medications, vitamin supplements, diets, sleep behavior changes, occipital nerve stimulation, acupuncture, chiropractors, reiki, biofeedback. There is always a new one, and it is always a miracle for some random person on the internet.
The number of these things is exhausting. I read somewhere that it would take 25 years to try every single migraine medication available. I’m 25 now. Maybe if I had started when I was a baby, I could have found the right drug already.
How do you feel about migraine jargon/terms? Does it comfort you or irritate you?