The Adventures of Miss Migraine is an ongoing column about my life with chronic migraine. A version of this post appeared first on August 9, 2012, on my blog of the same name.
On days when I don’t feel quite awful enough to lie on the couch feeling miserable, but too awful to accomplish anything beyond the most basic necessities, I like to make lists. This is one I made today.
A List of All My Problems, In Order of Their Interference With My Life
- My head hurts, to a greater or lesser degree, every single moment I am awake.
- The medication I take for Problem One prevents me from sleeping well.
- I have only one pair of jeans that fit me, and zero pairs of shorts that fit me (and only two pairs of shorts at all). Because of Problems One and Two, plus the fact that girl pants are made for people with stick-thin legs and no butts, shopping is a painful, exhausting, frustrating experience. And I’ve never liked it much anyway. Unless it’s for books.
- Sometimes, partially because of Problem One, but also because of Problem Five and general anxiety and insecurity about my place in the world, I feel overwhelmingly depressed.
- The book I wrote isn’t published yet, and it makes me feel insecure and depressed sometimes. I’ve been trying to get it published for two years. I know it’s good enough. But believing in myself is hard, when no one else but my closest friends, family, and mentors seem to. (Note from 2018: Never got this book published, and 2018 Kelly thinks this is probably a blessing in disguise.)
- Zombies terrify me. Why do zombies have to be so popular? They’re everywhere. I can’t avoid them. They give me nightmares and make me think about a future (or a present) where no one is able to think for herself. Where everyone stumbles around, infecting everyone else with something incurable, something worse than death, something that will finally lead the planet to utter devastation. (Note from 2018: Yeah, this is still 100% true, though it might be worse, because my board game crew freaking loves zombie board games. WHY.)
What are your biggest problems and worst fears?